


Cats, dogs and Facebook

by Loredib (Loredi)



Category: Glee
Genre: Fluff, Future Fic, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-07
Updated: 2012-04-07
Packaged: 2017-11-03 09:27:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/379873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loredi/pseuds/Loredib
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One day, Sebastian updates his facebook status to "I hate dogs".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cats, dogs and Facebook

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because of Miakis, the person who introduced me to Kurbastian. The reason I’m addicted. But she’s a bad person and she left me tonight. Anyway, I wrote this because of her and for her. And I hope some of you, mysterious Tumblr people enjoy :) (Damn, this is the second time I publish something here and I don’t feel any less nervous :S )
> 
>  
> 
> By the way, I don’t know if the twitter account exists. If so, my apologies. This is just fiction.

“I hate dogs” is Sebastian’s new Facebook status when Kurt checks it out one lazy Sunday morning. His other Facebook friends, most of them with half-naked profile pictures, have already asked the question —“y?” In fact, 12 of them have already asked and 25 have “liked” his status, so Kurt refuses to join in the madness, with a roll of his eyes. He scrolls down to see what his other friends are doing and accidentally finds out that Sebastian checked in on Foursquare at a local gay bar last night. He rolls his eyes again. Typical Sebastian night.

 

After a while, he can’t resist. He goes to twitter, which Sebastian barely uses and where none of his half-naked friends follow him. There, Sebastian is “@Sebtastic” and he’s witty and scandalous and charming in 140 characters. Personally, Kurt finds him more authentic there. More… likable, _if_  he liked Sebastian. Which he does not.

 

He tweets “I love dogs. I hate cats.” It’s not strictly true, but he can’t help to try and pester Sebastian a little. He forgets about the tweet until he receives a notification to his cellphone later in the evening, while he’s watching movies at a friend’s apartment. “How can you even say that!” is Sebastian’s first indignant reply. The second elaborates on that: “They’re perfect, independent beings. Dogs are disgusting and clingy.”

 

Kurt doesn’t answer but starts uploading random dog photos to Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr. Sebastian develops a hilarious and out-of-character addiction to lolcats that makes his half-naked friends comment on his photos with puzzled question marks —“???”. Sebastian ignores them. Kurt is satisfied. The show is just for  _him_.

 

It’s Blaine who tags them both in a new status: “You two fight like cats and dogs lol”. And it’s a cheap joke that causes the hijacking of Blaine’s post to turn it into a comment war in which Sebastian and Kurt fight each other except when they join forces against Blaine. It lasts for several days until one of Blaine’s friends interrupts it with a “lol, blaine’s rite you should marry, your so entrtaining”.  Kurt’s last comment on that is only to correct the atrocious grammar.

 

Eventually they forget the “dog incident”, though they still pretend to fight over everything. They don’t  _really_ fight. They’re sort of friends. They just like to debate a little. Release some tension. Oh God, it sounds so bad, even in Kurt’s head.

 

Kurt’s not a stalker, and he  _does not_  read Sebastian’s profile every day. So he learns the complete story of the incident when he’s with Sebastian and some other friends. They ask him about it and he answers like it’s nothing.

 

“This one guy the other night,” he said, with a grimace. “We were… doing it, and then his dog came and lay down right next to us! And I looked at him like… do something! And he did nothing! It was so creepy! I swear it was looking at me the whole time!”

 

“And what happened?” ask his friends, laughing.

 

“I got off and got out,” he says simply. “I hate dogs.”

 

And suddenly Kurt loves dogs even more but hates their owners. And _where_ did that come from?

 

Kurt’s Christmas card that year depicts a dog disguised as reindeer.  Sebastian laughs and laughs and finally says:

 

“You’re pure evil. I like you.”

 

And Kurt feels fluttery. Sue him.

 

“The feeling’s not mutual,” he answers.

 

“Oh, if you’re this cold to me when I tell you that I like you, you’re going to break my heart when I tell you that I love you,” he says, dramatically touching his chest.

 

Kurt laughs it off and rolls his eyes.

 

“ _If_ you told me that you loved me, not only  _I_  would be cold. Hell would freeze.”

 

Sebastian looks at him in the eyes.

 

“I’d love to ice-skate in hell. You’re pure evil, would you invite me there?”

 

Kurt swallows. He doesn’t know how to laugh that off, not because of the words, but because of Sebastian’s eyes on him.

 

“Only if you promise to love and take care of my dog.”

 

“You don’t have a dog,” says Sebastian with a smirk. Fucking sexy smirk.

 

“I’d get one just to annoy you.”

 

“You would,” says he, with affection. “I’d take care of your dog  _if_ you had one  _if_ you go out with me.”

 

Kurt doesn’t understand anything anymore.

 

“What? You know we can’t really go ice-skating in hell, right?”

 

Sebastian laughs and shrugs.

 

“Not yet,” he says quickly. “But maybe Central Park?”

 

Kurt opens his mouth.

 

“I don’t really understand where this is going.”

 

“Of course you don’t,” breathes Sebastian, and tries to smile but it looks painful. “Would you go out with me?”

 

“Is this a joke?” he asks. “Because if it is, I win, mine with the card was better.”

 

Sebastian shakes his head and snaps at him.

 

“God, you’re dense when you want to be. Just go out with me, will you?”

 

And  _that._ That is more like Sebastian, who does not make polite invitations, who does not ask for favors, who  _demands_. And that’s when Kurt understands he’s being serious.

 ”Oh,” he says. “Ok.”

 

\- - - - - 

As a surprise for Kurt’s birthday Sebastian takes him to the revival of  _Cats_. Kurt kisses him deeply, only because jumping on him and having sex on a Broadway theater when he could be enjoying the show is a mortal sin. And enjoy he does. The only other thing that gives him such quality entertainment are the hundreds of question marks that plague Sebastian’s profile when he changes his Facebook status to “in a relationship with Kurt Hummel”.

 

The End


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